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		<header>
			<h1>I&apos;m not a future transexual after all</h1>
			<p>Day 00858: <time>Wednesday, 2017 July 12</time></p>
		</header>
<section id="general">
	<h2>General news</h2>
	<p>
		My vision&apos;s obviously still blurry from the scratch on my eye, but at least my eye doesn&apos;t hurt any more.
	</p>
	<p>
		I&apos;m experimenting with a new option in Web hosting.
		It&apos;s ... not ideal, to say the least.
		However, Ellenor having offered me Web hosting puts me in an awkward position.
		If she comes through, I should have my Web address on my business cards.
		If I don&apos;t have a host after all, my Web address should be omitted.
		I either can&apos;t order business cards until she comes through or it&apos;s the last minute, whichever comes first, or I have to make a guess as to what will happen.
		If I guess incorrectly that she won&apos;t come through ... that&apos;ll be awkward.
		If I guess incorrectly that she <strong>*will*</strong> ... my business cards will have incorrect information.
		I&apos;ve now gotten something set up on Github.
		It seems that Github offers website hosting, but only if the pages are static.
		I&apos;ve been compiling my website into static pages since before <a href="/en/weblog/2015/03-March/07.xhtml">the beginning</a>, so that won&apos;t be an issue.
	</p>
	<p>
		Ellenor&apos;s solution is still the better one on multiple levels.
		The obvious advantage is that it doesn&apos;t involve working with Github.
		Additionally, it would involve a certificate that&apos;s actually made out to my domain, while the Github option causes a certificate mismatch error to be thrown by the Web browser.
	</p>
	<p>
		Chase sent me an email addressing my by my birth name and informing me they&apos;ve mailed my new card.
		In other words, they mailed me another card with my birth name, but until I have it in-hand, I can&apos;t prove that, so I have to stay silent.
		Once it arrives, I&apos;ll tell them off again.
	</p>
	<p>
		My <a href="/a/canary.txt">canary</a> still sings the tune of freedom and transparency.
	</p>
</section>
<section id="mental">
	<h2>Mental health watch</h2>
	<p>
		My mother claims to have a sort of telepathy with her partner, and that it even reaches across great distances.
		First off, I think my mother&apos;s nuts.
		However, what if she isn&apos;t?
		I mean, she <strong>*is*</strong> nuts, but what if she&apos;s not nuts in this regard?
		And if not, is it something I&apos;ve inherited?
		If I find a man to love, will I too be able to know what he&apos;s thinking when we&apos;re apart?
	</p>
	<p>
		I was thinking about my past today, and I realised that as a child, I enjoyed rainbow tie-die shirts.
		Was that an early sign of my gayness?
		I also collected very feminine art that often involved rainbows and other colourful things.
		I think much of it involved ocean creatures and the moon, but that&apos;s not overly relevant right now.
		Lastly, I collected stickers from a company known for their rainbow colours and mythical beasts such as unicorns.
		I may have been showing signs very early on, but no one seemed to think anything of them.
	</p>
	<p>
		I knew last time when I panicked and had to calm myself down about the possibility that I was supposed to be a transexual that I hadn&apos;t reached the end of the internal debate.
		I&apos;d only reached a milestone.
		Today at work, the thought popped into my head again.
		I&apos;ve been dealing with testicular issues lately.
		From the sound of what I&apos;ve read online, it doesn&apos;t sound like it&apos;s too serious as long as I find and deal with the cause right away and don&apos;t put it off.
		There are two likely causes, and for each, there is a manageable solution.
		At the moment, I&apos;m just trying to figure out which the problem is, and after today, I&apos;m fairly certain I&apos;ve figured it out.
		In any case, a thought found its way into my head: if I was a transexual, I wouldn&apos;t have to deal with this.
		I wouldn&apos;t even have testicles!
		I&apos;ve never really had any attachment to my sex organs, likely because I never planned to even use them.
		I&apos;m probably one of the few men in the world that has never taken a tape measure to his groin out of curiosity.
		I&apos;ve also always thought that testicles do nothing but get in the way.
		So anyway, I started thinking today about what it would be like to have female parts instead of male ones.
		I&apos;ve come to a more-solid affirmation of the same conclusion I came to before: I shouldn&apos;t get and shouldn&apos;t have gotten genital reconstruction surgery.
		Vaginal sex just doesn&apos;t seem like something I have a draw to, even if I get to be the one with the vagina.
		My sex organs are fine the way they are.
		That didn&apos;t eliminate the possibility that I should&apos;ve gotten hormones to become more feminine in appearance though.
	</p>
	<p>
		The hormones and the surgery are two separate processes.
		I didn&apos;t really have a good answer for that one right away.
		While walking home though, I think I found the answer.
		I don&apos;t feel masculine of feminine, but what I do feel, is a need to manage many types of situations myself without help.
		I may want a man in my life now, but I&apos;m not wanting to stick him with the heavy-lifting.
		My male body gives me a bit extra muscle mass without my even trying.
		I&apos;m not sure a feminine body would be as practical for me.
		Aside from the testicles, my bad teeth, and the fact that my skin is far too pale, I&apos;m fairly happy with my body the way it is.
		I can finally put those worrisome thoughts behind me.
		I have complaints about my body, but I think most people do.
		None of them warrant drastic alterations to my shape though.
		I&apos;m just supposed to be a man with no real attachment to concepts of gender, who tries to find another man to live happily ever after with.
	</p>
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